Alright folks you know Jesse Watters from Fox News right? Well he's making headlines again but this time it is not about politics. It's about his super serious (not really) " rules for men ". Get ready because they are... something else. We're talking milkshakes Soup public leg-crossing and even how you wave. Buckle up it's gonna be a ride.
No Soup No Straws No Leg Crossing? Jesse Watters' Five "Rules For Men" Explained (and Mocked!)
So what exactly are these "rules" causing all the fuss? Jesse Watters on Fox News show The Five decided to lay down the law for all the guys out there. Apparently there's a proper way to be a man and Jesse is here to tell you how. According to Jesse's official "Rules For Men" list you absolutely must avoid these terrible manly missteps:
- No Soup In Public: Yes you read that right. Soup in public is apparently a no-go for real men. Why? We are not entirely sure on this one but maybe it's just too... delicate?
- No Crossing Your Legs: Crossing your legs is also forbidden. It seems like this is just not a masculine posture in Jesse's rulebook. Manspreading only perhaps?
- No Drinking From a Straw: This is where things get really interesting. Jesse says men should absolutely not drink from straws. His reason? "The way your lips purse. It’s very effeminate." Yes he actually said "effeminate".
- No Milkshakes (Maybe): Jesse sort of walked this one back a bit. Initially he was totally against milkshakes for men saying "Milkshakes are for kids." However he later seemed to suggest milkshakes might be okay if you are just not drinking them with a straw. Confusing right?
- Wave With One Hand (Not Two): In a later segment Jesse added a new rule to the list. Apparently real men only wave with one hand. Waving with two hands at the same time? Definitely not manly according to Jesse's ever-expanding guide to masculinity.
Jesse presented these rules as "funny" and "not that serious" but the internet definitely had other ideas.
"Insecurity LMAO": Internet Explodes with Mockery of Watters' Masculinity Rules
The reaction online to Jesse's rules was swift and brutal. People online were quick to point out the sheer absurdity of these dictates. Social media was flooded with jokes memes and general mockery . Many users online suggested that Jesse's rules were less about masculinity and more about his own "insecurity". One X user commented "The insecurity LMAO. Just drink the milkshake Jesse. Nobody cares." Another user online wrote "Watters’ masculinity is so fragile even a milkshake threatens it. Maybe he should focus less on straw s and more on growing a spine." Ouch.
The hypocrisy was also not lost on anyone. Someone quickly dug up an old photo of Jesse himself happily drinking from a Straw. Awkward! People also shared photos of former President Donald Trump who Jesse often supports also drinking from a straw. It seems even powerful figures occasionally use straws despite Jesse's pronouncements.
"I Think I Could Kick Most Of Their Ass": Governor Tim Walz Offers to Fight Jesse Watters WWE Style
The whole "rules for men" thing started because Jesse was mocking Minnesota Governor Tim Walz for daring to drink a milkshake with a straw. Jesse originally went after Walz back in September saying "Women love masculinity and women do not love Tim Walz so that should just tell you about how masculine Tim Walz is. The other day you saw him with a vanilla ice cream shake. Had a straw in it. Again that tells you everything.”
Walz finally responded to Jesse's milkshake-straw criticism on Gavin Newsom's podcast. He said he was "baffled" by how much Fox News focused on his masculinity or lack thereof. Then in a truly amazing moment Governor Walz jokingly offered to fight Jesse Watters in a WWE match to settle the masculinity question once and for all. He even said "I think I could kick most of their ass" referring to Fox News hosts. Talk about escalating things!
More Jesse Watters "Real Man" Rules: Ice Cream Bubble Baths and Happy Birthday Wishes?
This is not the first time Jesse Watters has shared his very specific ideas about what constitutes "real" manhood. Over time he has given us a whole collection of somewhat bizarre rules. Here are a few more gems from the Jesse Watters "Guide to Being a Man":
- No Licking Ice Cream in Public: Apparently enjoying an ice cream cone in public is also unmanly. Maybe men are only allowed to eat ice cream with a fork and knife in private?
- No Bubble Baths Alone: Taking a relaxing bubble bath by yourself? Nope not for real men. Bubble baths are apparently effeminate unless you have company we guess?
- Men Shouldn't Grocery Shop With Their Wives: Doing errands together as a couple is apparently a threat to masculinity. Real men presumably send their wives to the store alone while they do... manly things?
- No Wishing Other Men "Happy Birthday": Showing basic courtesy and wishing another man well on his birthday is apparently also off the table for "real men". Being polite is just too girly perhaps.
It seems like Jesse Watters has a very particular and arguably quite fragile view of masculinity. And the internet is definitely having a field day pointing out the absurdity of it all.
Jesse Watters' "Rules For Men": A Hilarious Look at Fragile Masculinity?
Whether Jesse Watters is serious or just joking with his "rules for men" one thing is clear: they have struck a chord. The online mockery and Tim Walz's WWE challenge show just how ridiculous and outdated these kinds of pronouncements about masculinity can sound to many people. In a world where most folks are just trying to enjoy a milkshake or wave hello with both hands Jesse Watters' "rules" seem more like a comedy routine than actual life advice. Maybe real men can just... be themselves straw and Soup preferences included?